The big crunch

She looked around, darkness seemed to be the only visible matter that surrounded her. All the efforts looked like wishful thinking now, she said to herself. "But it all looked right? Why the sudden change now?", her thoughts wandered as she questioned her own actions over all the years. Pointlessly, like a lost child, she stumbled, crying while she moved the mouse from one link to another as she always did. Digg , she was looking at, and all the information bumping into her made her even more confused. Business, the entertainment, the Page-3-type-of self-deprecating-news, the politics which seemed to be in vicious loop with varying contexts. And out of nowhere, there was this one link, which caught her attention. She smiled and said to herself 'what if?'. The job, monotonous, eating into her day by day, slow and steady and the all the physics she gave up for a some paying job. Sigh!
"Follow the heart", flashed a movie on HBO. 'Right' and she dug deep into the articles related to the 'link'. All the particles seemed to have a big crunch after years of disintegration, the big bang and what followed!

P.S: What is with this classical sciences, the social sciences, philosophy, music, the arts in general etc which makes that 16 hour day so enjoyable? Some of us will have to keep wondering, what if? :)

Flicked this lines from the movie, Blood Diamond, a classic of sorts according to me !
1. Danny Archer talking about the war in Africa and many more things!
Danny Archer: Sometimes I wonder... will God ever forgive us for what we've done to each other? Then I look around and I realize... God left this place a long time ago.
2. A casual discussion about the war stricken Seirra Leone between Benjamin, the social worker and Danny.
Danny Archer: So you think because your intentions are good, they'll spare you, huh?
Benjamin Kapanay: My heart always told me that people are inherently good. My experience suggests otherwise. But what about you, Mr. Archer? In your long career as a journalist, would you say that people are mostly good?
Danny Archer: No. I'd say they're just people.
Benjamin Kapanay: Exactly. It is what they do that makes them good or bad. A moment of love, even in a bad man, can give meaning to a life. None of us knows whose path will lead us to God.

Btw, Benjamin is shot dead by kids who are part of some organization called some liberation army.
So true are these lines! Chaos :(

The change of seasons

I. The Crimson Sunrise
(Instrumental)

II. Innocence
I remember a time
My frail, virgin mind
watched the crimson sunrise
Imagined what it might find
Life was filled with wonder
I felt the warm wind blow
I must explore the boundaries
Transcend the depth of winter's snow
Innocence caressing me
I never felt so young before
There was so much life in me
Still I longed to search for more
But those days are gone now
Changed like a leaf on a tree
Blown away forever
into the cool autumn breeze
The snow has now fallen
and my sun's not so bright
I struggle to hold on
with the last of my might
In my den of inequity
viciousness and subtlety
struggle to ease the pain
struggle to find the sane
Ignorance surrounding me
I've never been so filled with fear
All my life's been drained from me
The end is drawing near....

III. Carpe Diem
'Carpe diem, seize the day'
I'll always remember
The chill of November
The news of the fall
The sounds in the hall
The clock on the wall ticking away
'Seize the Day'
I heard him say
Life will not always be this way
Look around
Hear the sounds
Cherish your life while you're still around

"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying;
And this same flower that smiles today,
Tomorrow will be dying."

We can learn from the past
But those days are gone
We can hope for the future
But there may not be one
The words stuck in my mind
alive from what I've learned
I have to seize the day
To home I returned
Preparing for her flight
I held with all my might
Fearing my deepest fright
She walked into the night
She turned for one last look
She looked me in the eye
I said, 'I Love You...Good-bye'

"It's the most awful thing you'll
ever hear."
"If you're lying to me..."
"Oh, you dearly love her."
"...just have to leave... all our lives."
"Seize the day!"
"Something happened.
"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may."
"She was killed."

IV. The Darkest of Winters
(Instrumental)

V. Another World
So far or so it seems
All is lost with nothing fulfilled
Off the pages and a T.V. screen
Another world where nothing's true
Tripping through the life fantastic
Lose a step and never get up
Left alone with a cold blank stare
I feel like giving up
I was blinded by a paradise
Utopia high in the sky
A dream that only drowned me
Deep in sorrow, wondering why
Oh come let us adore him
Abuse and then ignore him
No matter what, don't let him be
Let's feed upon his misery
Then string him up for all the world to see
I'm sick of all you hypocrites
holding me at bay
And I don't need your sympathy
to get me through the day
Seasons change and so can I
Hold on boy, No time to cry
Untie these strings, I'm climbing down
I won't let them push me away
Oh come let us adore him
Abuse and then ignore him
No matter what, don't let him be
Let's feed upon his misery
Now it's time for them to deal with me

VI. The Inevitable Summer
(Instrumental)

VII. The Crimson Sunset
I'm much wiser now
A lifetime of memories
run through my head
They taught me how
for better or worse, alive or dead
I realize there's no turning back
Life goes on the offbeaten track
I sit down with my son
Set to see the Crimson Sunset
(Gather ye rosebuds while ye may)
Many years have come and gone
I've lived my life, but now must move on
(Gather ye rosebuds while ye may)
He is my only one
Now that my time has come
Now that my life is done
We look into the sun
'Seize the day and don't you cry,
Now it's time to say good-bye
Even though I'll be gone,
I will live on, live on.'

Courtesy: Mike Portnoy. Dream Theater.

The DT post-version 1

When Dream and Day Unite the Images and Words Awake and there is a Change of Seasons which feels like Falling into Infinity where Scenes from a Memory induce Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence and a Train of Thought similar to Octavarium making it Systematic Chaos

Adding Value

"I make no difference to this world." he complained fidgeting with the 'kosambari'( Indian salad) container which they had bought from Ko-danda, the local snacks provider, situated on the road, just around the corner. "Why do you think so?", Chinnaswamy inquired rather tired of the walk, the snack and the walk-companion-who-cribbed. "My work has no value, in this bloody world. Almost like the world can go on without me !", he said throwing the newspaper-container-for-the-kosambari onto the footpath. Light breeze bought the other papers together, and they leaped in joy as they got together, like long lost brothers/sisters.
"You don't?!?!" Chinnaswamy answered questioningly!

The others lives

August the 15th. Three cities, six people...
Delhi. 0930 hours,
"I don't enjoy that kind of a book. History, nah, lets not get that. You should read this." he told his wife picking up a book from the self-help section. "You got to change, and open up to newer and useful things in life" he prophesied. The wife smiled to herself.
Mumbai. 1145 hours,
"But you need to take the job. The money seems to be good and you said that you don't mind the work" she almost squealed obviously irritated. "But the travel is too much and the work hours will be hectic." he replied calmly. "It is your call.", "I will back in an hour", she told him as went shopping.
Hyderabad. 1500 hours,
"I wonder if he likes this stuff", she talked to herself as she looked for curtains for the new apartment they just had bought. "Get me a sample"she told the salesperson pointing towards a dull, creamy cloth. "This whitish brown makes a grand curtain but, isn't this too dull ", he said to himself looking at the shades at the office lounge.

Man at the petrol bunk

Statutory Warning: This is a work of fiction. Has no relation to living or dead. Any such parallels are co-incidental.
I am a Bangalorean. In fact I am from a town nearby, a small village to give the precise information. This is my story, it is short, i do not find it particularly sweet myself; anyway who am I to judge? I had a pleasant childhood with a lot of emphasis on values and cultural ethos, learning etc. I don't seem to have them any more, possibly I never had them. My Appa(father) was a clerk at the DC office, and we were 4 kids to him and amma(mother) who was a home-maker. I was the 2nd, neither too young in the family nor too old. I was very different from my siblings, well i never did learn the life of the educated Kan-Bram. My elder brother, was so damn good, he had the ability to fight, fight it down, in whatever he stumbled upon. Learning the verses came to him, quite easily. He performed puja once in a while, under the supervision of appa. Those were not good times for me. I stuttered while learning these things. It seemed beyond my grasp, I gave up. Schools weren't a happy ground either. I flunked a couple of times, and then i stopped. Stopped going to school, in fact. Well, my younger sister was darling in the house, and she seemed smart and affable to all. She and the younger brother, were pride of the town, they had something like Midas touch to whatever they did. Not that they always sailed smoothly, but to fight was natural to them. I made some friends in the neighborhood, but they left soon, some to study, some similar to me worked at the local and nearby areas.
Time just flew by. I lived care-free and like an animal.
I shifted to Bangalore, when appa told me to work because everybody was doing something and I was doing nothing. I did odd chores, got tired everyday and slept.
My elder brother became a doctor and stayed back at the town, everybody knows him now. The other two are in the US of A. They are returning soon, the last time heard about them.
These days, I take take care of the air division at the local petrol bunk. It is tiring, but satisfying.
I had the facilities, to be better off. But I never did use them, ignored them in fact.
We got to what we got to do, I tell myself at times.